I have found that the best way to help people make changes in their lives and develop more satisfying lives is through focusing on relationships with themselves and others. Research clearly shows that shows that interpersonal, dynamic therapy results in lasting change in people’s lives. (Talk Therapy Can Change Your Brain) We learn about the world and ourselves in our earliest relationships. We learn what we can expect from people we rely on, as well as how to communicate and deal with conflict. Beliefs about the parts of ourselves and our emotions that are acceptable and those that aren’t are formed early. From these experiences, we develop patterns in the way we think and feel about ourselves, other people, and life. Many times, these patterns limit how fulfilling our lives are today and may keep us stuck in familiar and frustrating patterns we’re unable to change.
Problems such as depression and anxiety are influenced by beliefs that certain emotions and thoughts are unacceptable. We learn to avoid and hide emotions such as fear, anger and sadness through messages we receive in our families, culture and religion. If we have learned that these feelings are not OK, or if we were punished or shamed for feeling them, we tend to turn them on ourselves in the form of self-criticism, depression, and anxiety. This also can happen if our current relationships with the significant people in our lives aren’t ones where we can be ourselves and express difficult feelings. With no available outlet, these very natural emotions have nowhere to go but inward.
Many of the problems that bring people to therapy have to do with problems in relationships with themselves and others. So, the most effective therapy includes a focus on relationships. Therapy that focuses on the past just to rehash things isn’t very effective. The past is important to the degree that it is impacting the present. Early beliefs and patterns tend to continue to affect our current relationships and lives. Together we work to understand how these early experiences impact life today in ways that aren’t working well. As this awareness increases, therapy provides an opportunity to try new ways of thinking and relating.
After I have worked with a client for several months, we often decide to add group therapy to the treatment. Group provides another place to understand how you impact other people and how they impact you. Research clearly shows that group therapy is an effective and affordable treatment approach that has many healing factors. These factors include learning that you are not alone in the struggles you face and that you can be valued for who you are rather than who you think you should be. In individual and group therapy, we work to build relationships where a full range of thoughts and feelings can be expressed in a healthy way. Over time, this work has a significant and lasting effect on the quality of one’s life and connection with others.
"The life that is unexamined is not worth living.”
— Plato